Caretaker and Little 101: The First Playdate
When a caretaker and a little meet online, especially if they're nearby to each other, there will be that interest in going to that next level. Moving from chat to real life. This step can create a lot of anxiety and stress for both the little and the caretaker, especially with lack of experience. However, if approached carefully and thoughtfully, the first playdate can be both rewarding and enriching for a new burgeoning relationship.
Pre-playdate checklist
Generally speaking, you're going to want a reach a few key checkpoints before it's time to plan the playdate. These guidelines are designed to prevent a potentially bad or toxic experience.
Make sure you have things in common
Nothing is worse than hanging out with someone who you cannot have a conversation with. Just because you both like diapers does not mean you are a good match. You should share some hobbies or interests like similar video games, books, TV shows, movies, sports, activities, etc. That is not to say you should both only like the same things, but more importantly that you have some sort of common ground for small talk.
Make sure to talk through voice or video
While chatting through text is certifiably easier online, voice and video is significantly more revealing of relationship compatibility. Can you carry on a conversation? Do you giggle at each other's jokes? Can you stand each other's voices? These are all questions that can and should be answered.
Make sure you've seen each other
There is a very possible likelihood you will not find each other attractive. Someone's personality could be immaculate, but if you can't stand to look at them, there exists a real hurdle to building a relationship. Make sure you both know for real what the other looks like and that you're both happy with what you get.
These may seem like commonsense points, but in the rush of a new relationship, these checkpoints can be overlooked or glazed over in an attempt to make the playdate happen. It's important to resist this urge in order to make sure mistakes aren't made and there are, as they say, "no ragretz."
Meeting for the first time
The first time a caretaker and a little meet can either be at the beginning the playdate, or before the playdate at a separate time. This depends on the comfort level and experience of both playmates. Generally speaking, I've always rolled directly from meeting into the playdate, but for some that might not be as easy. Logistically it can also be problematic for two separate meetings if the playmates are not close to each other. This is definitely an important conversation to have between the little and caretaker to make sure both are comfortable with the meeting and playdate arrangements.
For the initial meeting, it's important to pick a neutral location, meaning neither the caretakers nor little's house. This is to allow for mutual comfort (and discomfort) in setting. Preferably this location should be somewhere between the caretakers and little's house but logistically this cannot always happen.
It's important that wherever the venue, there's opportunity for easy exit in case of a breakdown during the meeting, as well as reasonable ability to converse and socialize. I find a city is always a nice place to meet, because it allows an assortment of venues to entertain each other in throughout the first meeting.
Littles and Caretaker's should use this time as a repeat getting-to-know-you period where you chat and become more comfortable with being in each other's presence. This should not be a time to talk about your kinks or ABDL interests, nor a time for ABDL play of any sort (not even diapers). There will be plenty of time for that later.
Needs and Limits
Littles come in all shapes and sizes and with an assortment of different preferences and skittishness. Some will be happy to be changed by any nice stranger while others are very private and will only expose themselves to those who are closest and dearest. This means that the first playdate can look vastly different depending on the little.
Diaper changes tend to be a difficult, yet important checkpoint for every little. Let's be clear, babies need diapers and they need diaper changes. However, their openness and willingness to be changed by a new caretaker can vary widely. It's important that either beforehand or at the beginning of the playdate that this is discussed.
Specifically, the caretaker and little need to decide for the first date:
- Can the caretaker check the little's diaper?
- Can the caretaker change the little's diaper?
- What sort of accidents are okay and expected?
These decisions set the stage for the first playdate. While the preference should be towards the affirmative, not every little is ready and willing to allow that from the get go. Be aware that a little and caretaker should attempt to reach a point in the future where the caretaker is in charge of changes wholly and completely.
Finally, it's important that all concerns and potential conflicts are discussed beforehand as well. Nothing is worse than hitting a hard limit on the first playdate and creating disappointment in the relationship. Always have a yellow and red safeword to steer play back before it's unmaintainable.
Let the playdate begin
Whether it is directly after meeting in person or another time completely, one should invite the other over.
The key to a perfect transition is easing in. Both the caretaker and little should start in regular clothes and work their way forward together. There shouldn't be a switch to caretaker/little mode once in the door; this creates an artificial sense of little space which can be uncomfortable and feel fake. The goal is to make natural transitions throughout the playdate towards a caretaker and little playing together.
Start by hanging out together and doing things you both enjoy. Cartoons or video games or board games or some other mutual activity that is repeatable. After a few games/episodes, the caretaker should pause the activity and move towards getting the little in little space. This can mean being put into a diaper if not already, or a change of outfit. Nothing scripted, not a scene, just a small change which sets the tone of the rest of the playdate. Resume the activity and repeat after every few iterations, until the little looks and feels the part.
Once the little and caretaker get bored of the activity it's time to move on. During this transition phase between activities, there's a perfect opportunity to get close. The caretaker should attempt to initiate some much needed snuggles, which if the little is in the proper headspace, should reciprocate. From this point onwards, the rest of the playdate should involve some form of informal snuggling, from holding hands to lap time to laying together to blanket time to nap time.
If the little is open to it, the caretaker should make sure to intermittently check the little throughout the playdate. No leaks are allowed to ruin the fun. Changes are an excellent bonding opportunity and every little and caretaker should relish the first opportunity as something truly special. Be aware the first few times will be awkward and mistakes will happen, but building from mistakes and enjoying the experience together is by far the most important take away.
Also make sure to intermittently break playtime up with snacks and drinks. It's a great chance for close time between a caretaker and little and allow for a caretaker to try their hand at feeding. Bottles are super cheap too (between 5-10 bucks for a few 12oz bottles, just clip the nipple for easier drinking), so no reason not to have a few on hand.
Moving on and future fun
Every playdate must end at some point. Adult clothes should be put on and baby supplies should be put away. I find some final snuggles helps finish out a good playdate, as well as doing something the little enjoys most. When everything's said and done, aftercare should occur in the form of keeping contact and talking about the experience both at the end and afterwards.
A caretaker should message the little once they get home, and talk about the day in review. What was good? What wasn't so good? How can there be improvements? There can be a potential feeling of exhaustion of purging after an intense playdate for littles or caretakers, but it's important to fight that in order to retain relations and to build from the experience.
Don't let communication end the second you leave, and remember that this playdate was just the first of potentially many. If you truly care about the person you spent time with and want to continue onwards, make sure to let them know!
Feel free to continue the ideas and conversation in the comments below. I love to hear littles and other caretakers opinions and interests relating to playdates, so I look forward to hearing from you!